David Bowie is 67 today!
I was born a poor bl- Wait, that's not right. Actually, I was born on Mackinaw Island. I used to walk to school when the lake froze over. No, wait. that was Boot's Bell's made up childhood. Ummn....
Oh, okay. I was raised by Wolves. No wait! Kitchen appliances! Yeah, That's right. I was found on the doorstep of a kindly Toaster and Blender named Milton and Mrs Butterworth. They raised me as their own, never telling me that I was adopted. But I suspected. I mean, all the other kids had a plug.
One day, while I was down at the Rogers Flea Market buying my new flip-flops, the house was beset by wholesalers! Mom, dad, Zippy the microwave and Mack the electric knife were sold off in a wholesale slaughter!
When I came back to the house, Juan, the badly damaged coffee maker, told me what happened.
I vowed vengeance. And I knew the only way to track down the people who had destroyed my family was to become a DJ. It's the same logic O.J. used to search for Ron and Nichole's killers on golf courses.
So far...no luck.
I'll keep ya posted...